The Girl Left Behind
by CountryMusicLover
Summary: "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." - Kahlil Gibran. Aria must deal with the terrible aftermath of Ezra being shot in 4x24.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars, nor the characters there in. If I did, the A mystery would have been solved a long time ago and the plot would be focused on Ezria.**

**Author's Note: This is just a little story to help keep you (and me) going until the show returns. Based off of the events in the season 4 finale.**

"Don't close your eyes! Don't you dare close your eyes!" Aria Montgomery screamed as Ezra Fitz's eyes fluttered shut.

For a moment she heard the other girls. "Ezra!" "No!" "Help!" She couldn't tell who was screaming what. Soon, though, their voices faded out. She could still see them, out of the corner of her eye, jumping around and trying to decide what to do, but she couldn't hear anything. Time seemed to slow down. She couldn't think. She couldn't form any coherent thought within her mind. She lifted Ezra's head and held it to her body. She saw tears drip onto his face that she hadn't even known she was crying. And then, as quickly as it had gone away, everything came back. The sound of a siren far in the distance brought her back. "Ezra! Ezra! Please don't leave me!" She hadn't even known she was screaming but she was. The next thing she knew Emily and Alison were running down the stairs, Hanna still stood at the edge of the building screaming for help, and Spencer sat down next to Ezra, trying to take him out of Aria's grasp. "NO!" she screamed and held him tighter.

Spencer placed a hand on Aria's shoulder and with a shaking voice told her "I have to check his airway and pulse." The fear in Spencer's voice startled Aria, so she reluctantly let her friend look at him. It seemed that he was still breathing and Aria breathed a slight sigh of relief. He wasn't gone. He wasn't gone yet. The blood stain on his shirt was getting larger and larger though, and when Spencer pulled his shirt up to look at the wound it was so bad that she had to look away. Aria tried to keep herself from vomiting.

She didn't know what to do or how to help, so she picked up Ezra's limp hand and held it to her face. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave me. Just please don't leave me." She listened for the ambulance but it sounded just as distant as it had before. "What is taking so long!" she screamed to no one in particular.

"He's losing a lot of blood but I don't know how to stop it. I can't make a tourniquet for his abdomen and I don't know if I should put pressure on it with something because nothing I have is clean and it could lead to infection and I don't…" Spencer tried to talk herself through a solution to the problem at hand but was coming up at nothing. Then Hanna started yelling.

"I see it! It's coming!" She jumped and pointed down the street. Then she dropped to her knees and put her arm around Aria. "How's it looking?"

"I don't know," Spencer said, only half paying attention while she was lost in thought.

Hanna gave Aria a squeeze and Aria rested her head on her shoulder. "It's gonna be okay." Hanna reassured her.

A few moments later Ali burst through the stairwell door. "They're coming! Emily's telling them where we are, but they're here. They should be on their way up." Behind Aria's back Alison signaled to Spencer. "How is he?" she mouthed, not wanting to upset Aria. Spencer just shrugged and shook her head.

* * *

What seemed like an eternity later, the ambulance pulled up at the hospital. They had originally told the girls that no one could ride with them, but after their protests Aria was allowed to sit up front with the driver. Though she asked questions for the entire drive, no one would give her any answers. As soon as they were parked Aria jumped out of the vehicle, as did the crew in the back, running Ezra's gurney into the OR. Aria tried to follow them, but a big man with a deep voice blocked her with his arm. "You can't go back there." He noticed the tears running down her face and added a little more kindly. "I'm sorry. There is a waiting room through those doors. That's where you need to be."

Aria nodded and tried to say thank you, but nothing would come out. Mercifully, there weren't many people in the waiting room, so she sat down in a corner chair and focused on not falling apart. Suddenly it hit her that Ezra had family that should know what was happening. She forced herself to get up and walk over to the desk where a kind old woman told her "There's no news about Mr. Fitz, sweetie, I'm sorry."

"Um, I was actually wondering if there was a phone book I could use… and a phone." The woman gave a soft nod and reached under the desk. A few moments later she emerged with a dusty old phone book that clearly hadn't been used in a while.

"Thank you." She took it back to her seat and flipped through it, trying to find the Fitzgeralds and panicking about how she would tell Diane the news. Thankfully, Hanna, Spencer, Emily, and Alison walked through the door with phones in hand at that same time.

"How are you?" Emily was the first one to hug Aria. Spencer walked past the group and straight to the desk.

"Excuse me. Do you have any information on Ezra F…" The woman cut her off.

"I'm sorry miss. There's no news. We'll let you know when he is out of surgery." Spencer gave a weak smile and nodded as she turned back to the group. She wanted to say something, but there was nothing to say. No one else knew what to say either, so they all sat down in a circle of chairs.

"Oh!" Aria jumped up, startling the other girls. "I have to call his family! Do you have my phone?" Hanna reached into her pocket and pulled it out.

"Can you do it? One of us can call if you want," Emily offered, but Aria shook her head.

"No. It needs to be me." As she walked into the hallway her friends stared after her, admiring her strength.

* * *

Thankfully, Aria still had Wesley's number saved in her phone, so she wouldn't have to talk to Diane directly. Still, having to tell someone their brother has been shot wasn't much better.

"Aria?" He sounded surprised to see her calling and somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if he knew about her and Ezra's breakup.

"Wesley, I have something to tell you. Are you around other people?" She was trying to brace him for the news.

"Uh… no. I'm in my room, why?" He was thrown by the serious tone the conversation had taken.

"Um, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it." She took a deep breath and said her word slowly and deliberately. "Ezra got shot. He's in New York in surgery right now." She waited for a response but there was none. "Wesley?"

"You're not being serious? That's a stupid joke, Aria." She didn't know how to respond to that, but she didn't have to, because the next thing she heard was a broken cry. "What happened? Which hospital?"

She was determined to keep it together. He didn't need her crying right now too, so she kept her voice steady and sure, or, atleast as steady and sure as she could manage. "My friends and I were in the New York City and someone tried to attack us. They pulled a gun, but Ezra fought them off. He got hit in the abdomen. It's Mount Sinai Hospital."

Wesley cleared his throat, but it didn't help much. "I'm on my way."

"Wait!" she didn't want him to hang up before she was done. "I don't have your mom's number. I don't even know your dad. If you want to give me their numbers, I can call them for you." She hoped he'd say no, but felt she had to offer. Thankfully he turned her down.

"Okay, well, call me if you need directions or anything." After that, the line went dead. Aria was going to go back in with the rest of the girls, but she had one more call to make. The first time, no one answered, so she tried again. They answered on the second ring.

"Aria! I'm sorry, I tried to make it to the phone in time, but I had just gotten out of the shower, so I was run…"

"Mom…" Aria cut her off midsentence and with that, she finally fell apart.

**This chapter feels a little chaotic, but that comes with this kind of content, so I hope you enjoyed it anyway. There's some really good stuff (I hope) coming up, so please keep reading. Thank you to anyone who has read so far and please, if you feel so inclined, leave a review and let me know how I'm doing. Pointers are always appreciated! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Pretty Little Liars is not mine.**

**Chapter 2**

Eventually, the old woman from behind the desk walked over to the girls. They all jumped up as soon as they saw her coming, linking arms and bracing themselves. "Mr. Fitz is out of surgery. He's in critical condition, but for now he's relatively stable."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Aria's voice was weak and shaky

"I don't know, honey. You'll have to speak to a doctor about that." The woman hesitated a moment, but then added with a small, almost embarrassed, grin, "Would you like to follow me to his room, Mrs. Fitz?"

Hanna jumped in, "Oh, they aren't married."

"Oh. Because only family is allowed to see him right now, so if you're his wife, I can take you back, but if not, you'll have to wait out here." There was a glimmer in the woman's eye that said she didn't break the rules often, but something about Aria had touched her. Aria took a deep breath and then stepped forward. As they walked down the cold, white hallway, the woman put her arm around Aria's shoulder.

Aria wasn't prepared for what she saw when she entered Ezra's room. She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but whatever it was, it wasn't this. There were so many tubes hooked up to his frail, pale body that she couldn't count them all. His face was blocked by a tube going to his nose and it seemed like 50 different machines must have been beeping all at once. She stopped as soon as she entered the doorway.

"Are you okay?" the desk woman asked.

"Can I touch him? Will I hurt him?" Aria refused to move her eyes from his body, afraid something might happen the moment she looked away.

"Be gentle, but its fine." Aria still didn't move towards his bed, so the woman decided to give her some privacy. "I'll be at the front desk if you need me."

Aria surveyed the hallway quickly to make sure no one was around. She was suddenly feeling very self-conscious. She tip-toed into the room, scared to disrupt anything. "Hey," she said as she laid her hand gently on top of his. She felt silly talking and hoped no one could hear her, but she had also heard that sometimes people can hear, even when they aren't really conscious, so she was determined to say what she needed to say. "Um… thank you… for saving us, for saving me. That seems so small and so stupid to say right now. I mean, you took a bullet for me and all I can give you in return is "thank you." She watched his face carefully for any sign that he was hearing what she was saying. Nothing, but she continued on anyway. "I forgive you for the book. How could I not? I love you so much and I'm sorry I told you to leave town. I don't ever want you to leave. Please don't leave me." By this point she had tear streaming down her face, so she quit talking and just pulled up a chair so she could sit and hold his hand.

She became frustrated when time passed but no doctors came to check on him. She reminded herself over and over that they had other patients to attend to and that they knew what they were doing, but that didn't stop her from wishing she was a doctor, just so she wouldn't have to feel so useless. Finally she heard footsteps approaching the room and was getting ready to give the doctor a piece of her mind when Diane Fitzgerald's face appeared in the doorway.

"My baby!" She wailed as Ezra came into view. She dropped to her knees by the side of the bed and started to openly weep. Aria stared at the poor woman, feeling horribly uncomfortable and intrusive. She went to leave the room, but Wesley appeared in the doorway.

"Aria!" He took her in a hug as soon as he saw her and the two embraced, tighter than they had intended, trying to draw strength from each other. "How is he?" He said as he moved from Aria to the foot of his brother's bed.

"I don't know. When they brought me in here they said he was stable but in critical condition. I kept waiting for a doctor to come by, but none have…"

Diane stood up straight, pulling herself together and smoothing her hair. "That is unacceptable. I am going back to that front desk and demanding they direct me to the doctor."

"No, mom." Wesley put his hand out to block her way. "_You_ stay here._ I'll_ find the doctor." His mother nodded and immediately the tears started welling in her eyes again. "Walk with me?" Wesley asked, turning towards Aria.

"Um," she looked back at Ezra in the bed, "yeah. My parents should be here any minute. I'll need to talk to them, so…"

They walked in silence down the hallway, but just before they turned the corner into the waiting room Wesley grabbed her arm. "Did you see it? You saw it happen? Did you see the wound? Did he say anything?" He bombarded her with questions and Aria tried to remember them all.

"Um. I kind of saw it. I saw the fight, but none of us knew he had been shot. I walked over to him and when he turned around, there was blood all over his shirt and… I tried to hold him up but he just went down. And it was bad. The wound… it's bad."

Wesley took a deep breath and shook his head. Then he nodded and rounded the corner. Sitting in the waiting room, Aria saw her parents with the other girls. "Mom!" she ran straight into her mother's warm comforting hug and felt her dad's strong hand rubbing her back. "It was so terrible. You can't even imagine it," she whispered into her mom's neck.

Ella held her back at arm length and looked her up and down, trying to get a feel for how she was doing. "How are you holding up?" she asked, but Aria didn't respond. She just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

"How's Ezra?" Emily piped up from behind them.

"No change. At least, not that I can tell." She turned back to her parents and continued, "he looks so small and fragile and weak in that bed with all those machines hooked up to him."

"Aria!" Wesley's head peeked around the corner. "I found the doctor. He's gonna come talk to us."

Aria nodded, "I'll be right there." She looked at the group that was packed in the sitting area. "What are you guys gonna do?"

"We have to go to the police station and tell them what happened, but we'll be right back to check on you guys when we're done," Spencer filled her in.

"Then my mom is coming to drive us home," Hanna sounded like she was asking Aria's permission to leave, so Aria nodded in response.

Ella grabbed Aria's hand and told her, "We'll be waiting right here." With that Aria, headed back to Ezra's room.

**Please read and review. Especially if anything seems out of character to you, please let me know. I'm really in a writing mood lately, so hopefully the next chapter will be up either tomorrow or Friday.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own PLL or anything like that.**

**Author's note: I had serious writer's block on this one. I knew where I was taking it, but I couldn't quite get it there. I think I've got it now, though. The next one hopefully won't take me as long to post.**

The doctor had already started talking when Aria quietly entered the hospital room. "Several organs were hit and he lost a lot of blood. For now, we think we've got him pretty well stitched up. Don't get me wrong, he's not out of the woods, but he's doing about as well as could be expected under the circumstances. We're keeping him sedated, although, it's unlikely he would be awake even if we weren't. Either way, it'll stop the pain and promote healing." He paused for a moment to let them take it all in. "Do you have any other questions?"

Aria shook her head. Wesley just stared at the ground. "You said he's 'not out of the wood;' when will he be out?" Diane asked.

"That's hard to say. It's really up to how his body handles it. I'm sorry. I wish I could give you more definitive information, it's just so different from person to person." The doctor sounded sincere enough, but Aria couldn't help but feel it was all an act; after all, he dealt with this stuff all day every day. And with that the doctor bowed out of the room, moving on to his next patient.

Aria slid over to Wesley, "Have you heard from your dad?"

The angry look in his eye already told her the answer. "Yeah. He said to let him know if things get worse. Who does that? Who hears their son got shot and says 'Eh! So what! Call me when something _really_ bad happens'?"

Diane fluttered around the room, smoothing Ezra's blankets, fluffing his pillows, and smoothing his hair. Wesley started looking the room over. Looking in the cabinets and checking out the bathroom. Aria, on the other hand, stood in the middle of the room, feeling very uncomfortable. She felt like she should be here, but what about Diane? Did she think Aria was intruding on her family? She and Ezra weren't even dating currently. Aria made herself push those thoughts out of her head. Ezra and she loved each other and they were always going to find a way back to each other, she deserved to be there. He needed her.

So she pulled up the extra chair and made herself at home next to his bed. His breathing was slow but steady and she tried to focus on it, tried to clear her mind.

* * *

The girls went home and Byron and Ella stayed in a hotel room, but Diane, Wesley, and Aria sat up in Ezra's room all night. There wasn't much talking, there wasn't much movement. The three of them just sat, watching Ezra and lost in thought. So lost in thought, that none of them noticed when Ella appeared in the doorway at 9am the next morning.

The "knock, knock "on the door startled all three of them. "How is he?" She said quietly, in case Ezra was asleep instead of unconscious.

"No change," Wesley said. Aria cringed at the words. She had told so many people that there was 'no change' that the thought of saying them again made her sick. She wanted there to be a change. She wanted him to get better.

Ella cautiously walked to the bed to get a better look at Ezra. "His color looks better, I think." When there was no response, she looked around the room. "Did any of you sleep last night?" Slowly Aria, Wesley, and Diane all shook their heads. "Aria, honey, please, go to our hotel and take a nap."

Aria shook her head. "No. The doctor should be in sometime this morning. We don't know when though, I don't want to miss it."  
"Please, Aria. A short nap. At least a shower and change your clothes. You've still got dried blood on your pants." Aria looked down, noticing for the first time the stain in her clothes. "Okay." She finally agreed. She wanted these pants off of her. She wanted all memory of that last night gone and she wanted Ezra to be awake when she came back. "Will your drive me?" Ella nodded and then turned to Ezra's family. "When you are ready for some sleep, please, feel free to use our hotel room. Just let me know." Wesley nodded while Diane was still unresponsive.

On the way out the door Aria stopped in front of Wesley. "If anything happens you call me. You hear me? Good, bad, not better or worse but just different, I don't care. You call me." Wesley nodded again and Aria let her mother lead her to the car.

* * *

Aria Montgomery was in the middle of a nice warm shower when the phone went off and her heart nearly stopped. She slowly turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around herself. It rang again. She had asked Wesley to let her know if anything changed, but now she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. "You're being ridiculous," she told herself. He was going to be fine. The doctors had said things should start to get better. Maybe the doctor was there and that's why he was calling. Maybe Ezra was waking up. With that exciting thought on her mind she answered the phone during the last ring.

"You've got to come now."

Before she could even know what was happening tears were bursting from her eyes. The mix of the tiredness and fear she felt, along with the panic in Wesley's, voice was just too much. "Everything started beeping like crazy and two nurses came running in and we don't know what's happening but they've paged all the doctors and they're trying to figure out what's wrong and they think he might need another surgery and you need to get here now." The line went dead and for a moment Aria didn't even move. She was in too much shock to move. Things had been going relatively well, what had happened? Why did it have to happen in the short while she had been gone?

But then she snapped. She threw on a shirt over her wet hair and jumped into some jeans, running out the bathroom door.

* * *

"Ma'am. Ma'am." The a new desk lady yelled as Aria ran at full speed down the hospital hallway, breaking just in front of Ezra's door. The room was packed. She could barely get in, with several doctors and even more nurses crowded in the little room, pushing Wesley and Mrs. Fitzgerald against the wall.

"What's happening?" She asked as she squeezed past the people and towards Ezra's family.

Diane stood stoic against the wall with a small stream of silent tears coursing down her cheeks, so once again, Wesley had to take charge. "They think he's got some internal bleeding and possibly, probably, I don't know, some sort of infection either from the actual wound or from the last surgery." Aria leaned against the wall, feeling weak. There was shouting from the doctors and then all of them cleared out, in seconds, except for one nurse. She came over to them, lined up against the wall.

"He's going in to emergency surgery. They'll be wheeling him out in, at the most, five minutes." The nurse then followed the others out the door and Aria, Wesley, and Diane surrounded Ezra's bed.

Diane leaned down and whispered something in his ear. Wesley patted him on the shoulder and said "You got this man. You can make it." He started to say something else, but his voice caught in his throat. Then it was Aria's turn.

She felt self-conscious with his family around, but couldn't make herself care at that particular moment. She bent down and kissed his cheek, then whispered in his ear "I'm so sorry. I love you so much." She stood back up just in time, as a group of people came running in to wheel Ezra to the OR. They all stepped back from the bed to let the men have room, but at the last minute, Aria took Ezra's right hand and ran along with the bed until it reached the operating doors.

She didn't know what to do. She had already waited through one surgery and she was so tired, but she couldn't sleep. She had to be awake when he got out of surgery, and honestly, with everything going on, she's not sure she would have been able to sleep anyway. So she just stared at the operating room doors. She thought about staying there, right outside the door, until he was done, but then thought better of it. She slowly turned around and looked at Diane and Wesley hugging. She wished she had someone to hug, but that was Ezra's job.

Finally Diane let go of her son and Wesley pulled out his phone. "I guess I gotta call Dad." He walked back towards the waiting room and Diane and Aria quickly followed.

* * *

The surgery was taking longer than they had expected. The first one had only taken an hour, but it had been an hour and a half and there was still no word. Ella was in the waiting room, trying to talk to Aria and take her mind off things, but no topic could keep her attention for long. Wesley talked to his dad who said that 'he'd try to get a flight in.' Diane was leaned against the wall, staring down the hallway towards the Operating Room.

Finally, a man in green scrubs rounded the corner and pulled a face mask off his face. Aria, Wes, and Diane rushed down the hallway to meet him, but the look on his face said it wasn't good. "I'm sorry," he told them. Aria just looked around. Sorry? For what? She needed him to be clearer, because right now it sounded like… "He didn't make it." No. No. This wasn't happening this couldn't be happening.

Suddenly, just like on the rooftop the night before, everything went quiet. The sound faded out around her, but this time, it all started to spin too. And as the room spinning got faster and faster it also got darker and she fell to her knees on the cold hospital hallway. Everything came back into view when Ella rushed over and put her arms around Aria's shoulders. So did the sound, but all she could hear was a mixture of her wails and Diane's, along with the comforting whispers from her mom and Wesley's muffled cries.

The doctor turned to Wesley, the only one who was doing even a relatively good job of keeping it together. "You can come see him if you would like. We'll give you all a few minutes, but it needs to be soon." Aria stood up and fell into her mother's arms, but Ella held her at arm's length.

"You've got to get it together so you can go see him. You'll always regret it if you don't." Ella wiped the tears off her daughters face and pulled her in for a quick hug before giving her a gentle push in the direction of the doctor.

"Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry," Aria told herself the entire walk there. Once they reached him though, she took a step back. She told herself it was so Diane and Wesley could have a moment alone with him, but if she was being honest, it was also so that she could brace herself. She watched as Diane cried over his body and Wesley pounded his fist against the side of the bed. Eventually, the doctor guided them back towards the door. Now it was Aria's turn.

She had tried to plan something meaningful and romantic to say, but nothing would come. Ezra would have known what to say. He was always good with words. Was. She forced herself to walk to the bed where he was laying. He looked so pale and so sad. They say people look peaceful in death, but he didn't. He lacked all of the vibrancy and life that he had possessed just a few days ago. Or maybe she was projecting, because she didn't feel peaceful at all. She ran her fingers through his hair one last time. Held his hand and touched his face. She didn't want to forget any part of him. The doctor by the door was waving her back, but she had to kiss him one last time. A soft, gentle kiss on his lips; the kind of kiss their first one should have been, instead of one in a bathroom at the bar.

Somehow she found the strength to let go of him and walked out the door. And she didn't stop. She just kept walking, down the hallway, through the waiting room, and to the car. She didn't cry. She just walked. Numb. And then, once she was safely in the car and her mother was driving, she slept.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Pretty Little Liars is most definitely not mine.**

**Author's Note: I know some of you were upset with how the last chapter ended. I'm sorry, but my whole intention with writing this piece was to see how Aria would handle Ezra's death. There were so many stories where he healed, but I wanted to see the other possibility. Not that I want him to die in the show, but anyway… I hope you continue reading, even if it isn't exactly what you were hoping for.**

Hours passed but Aria didn't know it. She was too far in a deep, but certainly not peaceful, sleep to know what was happening. Once they were home, Byron carried Aria to her bed and laid her down, careful not to her wake. Ella, Byron, and Mike took turns staying by her bedside, but she never woke up. The girls came and Byron thought it might be good for her to see them, but she didn't wake up. Or, at least, they didn't think she did. She _had_ woken up, but refused to open her eyes. If she opened her eyes she would be opening herself back up to the nightmare that had become her life, so she laid there, silent and still, until she drifted back into unconsciousness.

Not that her dream world was that much better. There were many dreams that forced her to relive those past few days. The betrayal of learning about the book, the horrible things she had said to him, and worst of all the night on the rooftop. But sometimes things were peaceful, sometimes her mind mercifully let her sleep without dreams. And sometimes, when she was lucky enough, she got to dream of good times with Ezra. Dreams of their past, or their would-have-been future, or even dreams where he was coming home from the hospital. All of those were better than the reality of waking up and facing a day without him, filled with sad looks from her family, and the thought of a funeral.

Eventually though, after a day and a half of straight sleep, Ella opened her door. Not in the gentle way that she had been ever since they had gotten home, but in the the way that said 'I'm trying to wake you up.' "Aria, baby, you have to get up. You can't lay here forever. Wesley is on the phone and he needs to talk to you."

Finally Aria opened her eyes. The light hurt them and she was stiff and sore, but she was awake. "Hello," her voice was hoarse from lack of use as she answered the phone.

"Were you asleep?" he asked her in surprise. "It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon."

"Um, yeah." She cleared her throat so her voice would be stronger. "I've actually been sleeping a lot lately."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that we are meeting with the funeral director tomorrow at 11:30." Ugh. This is exactly what Aria had been avoiding thinking about. She didn't want to see Ezra in a coffin. That's not where he was supposed to be. "So, I was thinking I would pick you up around 10:45." That, Aria hadn't been expecting.

"For what?" She asked confused.

"To go to the funeral home. Are you even listening?" Wesley's temper had been short ever since they left the hospital.

"Wesley. I can't help plan the funeral. I shouldn't. I don't even want to think about the funeral, and besides, if you knew the last things I said to him, you wouldn't want me to either." She took a deep breath and then added, "I don't know how much you knew, but we weren't even together when…. all this happened." She could almost hear Wesley thinking on the other end of the line.

"You love him, right?" He finally said.

"Yeah." Aria nodded, even though there was no one around to see it.

"You know him better than anyone, don't you?"

He was right, again. "I guess so."

"Well, you were it to him. You were the one. And I think he was the one for you too. And besides, you're the only one who was close enough to him that you would know what he would and wouldn't like at the funeral." She didn't answer, so he decided to take her silence as agreement. "I'll see you at 10:45," was all he said and then he hung up the phone.

Ella had apparently been listening outside the door, because the moment Aria put the phone down she came in. "What was that about?"

"They, uh… they want me to help plan the… funeral." Aria wouldn't look her mom in the eyes. She knew all she would see was pity and she knew that if she saw that, she'd break down.

"That's kind of them. Do you have any specific ideas for it?" Ella was trying to keep her daughter up and talking; she couldn't go back to those countless hours of never-ending sleep. She was not, however, prepared for her daughter's reaction.

"No, mom! I don't have any ideas. I don't want to go to this thing. I don't even want to go to the funeral, so why would I want to plan it?" The outburst caught Ella off guard. She didn't know what to do, so she tried to pull Aria into a hug, but she resisted.

"I know this is hard, but you need to Aria. You need it to help you grieve and help you get closure."

"I said goodbye, mom! Remember? I was at the hospital with him when he died." Aria spoke slowly, emphasizing how terrible that time at the hospital had been. "I don't need a funeral to say goodbye. He won't be there. Why should I? He won't get to hear all of the stupid generic nice things that someone he didn't even know is going to say about him, so why should I have to suffer through it." Her voice got louder and louder as she spoke, but she was clearly trying to keep herself in some level of control.

"Aria…" Ella started, but Aria cut her off immediately.

"You don't get it! I don't _deserve_ to go to the funeral." Now she wasn't even trying to keep herself in control. She was screaming with all the pent up anger and heartbreak and loneliness and frustration she had been feeling not just for the last few days, but for the last few weeks. "I don't deserve to be treated like an important person in his life. Not after the way we ended things. Not after the way_ I_ ended things. The last words he heard me say weren't 'I love you,' they were 'I never want to see you again.' And now I can't fix that. I can't tell him how wrong I was. I can't tell him that I love him. He tried so hard to make me see that he loved me and all I could do was tell him I hated him. I told him to leave and that's what he did and now I can't ever have him back and I can't sit in that church and have everyone feel sorry for me when he probably hated me by the end of it all." Her body wracked, but no tears came from her eyes, still, Ella held her in her arms. Ella, who was trying to be a rock for her daughter, couldn't hide the lump in her throat as she whispered comforting things in her ear.

"He knew you loved him. How could he not. You two had fights before; you split up; but it was always going to be you and him. He knew that. Don't question your love for even one second." Ella couldn't believe she was saying these things, after how hard it had been to accept the relationship. In all honesty she had meant what she said at the bridal shower, when she told Aria that one day she would move on and forget Ezra. But now, she knew she was wrong. She had blinded herself to it before, but now she accepted it. Her daughter and that man would have always found their way back to one another.

Once Aria calmed down Ella thought all this was done, that they could discuss the plans for the funeral and Aria would be okay to hold it together, but Aria had one more concern to share. She looked down like she was embarrassed to even say it. "I killed him. I'm the reason he's dead. If I hadn't gone to New York, if I hadn't been so stupid… He would still be here. I should have never even dated him to begin with, if that's what it took. I'd rather we had never met than to have it end this way because of me."

Now Ella's heart truly broke. "Honey," she placed her hand on top of Aria's. "It's not your fault." She wanted to say more, but everything she thought of felt totally inadequate. "I don't want you feeling guilty for this. And as far as wishing you had never met him… I can almost guarantee he wouldn't feel the same. Ezra was a romantic. He knew love was worth all the costs." It was barely noticeable, but Aria nodded. That was all Ella could handle emotionally at the moment, so before another melt down could start she pulled Aria up from the bed. "It's been two days. Its time you eat something," and she lead her down to the kitchen for the homemade soup Ashley Marin had sent with the girls.

* * *

Aria held herself together for the rest of the day, which, in reality, was only a few more hours, but when she laid down that night, her thoughts overwhelmed her. She wished to fall back into that blissfully oblivious sleep of the previous night but no sleep would come. She just tossed and turned, reliving every moment from the time she found his book, to kissing him goodbye at the hospital, and then starting it all over. She saw the house, the wedding, the kids that she had envisioned for her future slip from her grasp. She went over everything she could have ever possibly done to prevent things from ending the way they did. She so desperately wanted to just stop thinking, but she couldn't.

Finally, at 3:24 she looked at the clock and got out of her bed. She stumbled in the dark to her brown desk and felt around for a post-it note pad and pencil and tried writing on it the best she could with only the moonlight through her blinds to see with. Then she grabbed _Winesburg, Ohio_ and her keys from her purse and stuck the post-it to the outside of her door, hoping her parents would find it and not freak out if she wasn't back when they woke up.

She tip-toed down the stairs, careful not to make any noise and slipped out the door to her car. She couldn't sleep in her own bed, and there was only one other place in the world where she felt more safe and more comfortable. It wasn't long before she was pulling up outside of the apartment complex she had spent so much time in. She used to watch to make sure no one saw her as she was going in, but it didn't matter now. She sorted through the keys on her key chain until she found the little brass colored one and stuck it in the door.

She didn't know what she was expecting to find, but she was surprised when everything look the exact same as it always had. Seeing the dishes in the sink, the dishes that he had expected to come home and clean but never would, made her want to cry. Everything made her want to cry, but she wouldn't. She promised herself she wouldn't. If there was anything she had learned from Ezra, it was keep your promises. After all, he had gone so far above and beyond his promise that he would do anything for her, she should at least be able to keep a "no crying" promise to herself.

As upsetting as it was to see everything, it was also a relief. A relief to see his things, to feel his presence, and ultimately to feel like she was home. She couldn't sleep in the bed. That was just too much, but the couch seemed like a good option. She snuggled down into the inviting cushions and opened _Winesburg, Ohio._ After just a few pages she remembered her appointment with Wesley in the morning, so she set an alarm on her phone to wake her up, and it's a good thing she did, because once she was laid down on the comfortable couch in the apartment that felt like home, she was out like a light.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own PLL or the characters there in.**

The next days passed slowly, each one feeling like an eternity. She felt as if she were in a daze, some hazy black and white nightmare. She thought back to what she had told Jake, "happy parts are in color, sad parts in black and white." She wondered if her life would ever be in color again. Today most definitely would not be. She was dreading the funeral. She didn't want to face those people. She didn't want to see him laid out. She didn't want to get out of bed.

She turned over and looked at the clock. It was nine. She had been awake for hours, but she couldn't make herself get out of bed. The visitation was scheduled to start at ten, but she really didn't want to be there when it started. She hadn't realized just how isolated she and Ezra had been from each other's lives. The only people she would know, aside from the people there to support her, would be Wesley and Diane.

Just as she convinced herself that she had to get up she heard a knock on the door and her mother's voice say quietly and somberly, "Aria?" Ella let herself into the room. She took in Aria's appearance. She was still in her shorts and Ezra's sweatshirt, her hair a complete mess. "Oh honey, it's almost ten!"

"I know." The tone in Aria's voice made it clear that she was in no rush to leave.

Ella had been staying at the Montgomery house ever since Ezra had been shot, but she didn't quite know how to help her daughter. She didn't know what would comfort her, what would upset her, or what would set her off, so she had been trying to give her some space. She hung by the door as they talked. "Well, you just let us know when you're ready. We'll leave whenever you want." Aria nodded. Ella turned to leave, but paused and looked back at Aria. She couldn't imagine the hurt she was feeling, a hurt no one ever should have to deal with, let alone her 17 year old daughter. "Is there anything I could do?" She'd asked the question a hundred times, but she always got the same answer and this time was no different. Aria shook her head and Ella closed her door.

This was the first time Aria had gotten dressed, at least in _real_ clothes, since the day Ezra died and the first day she had to do her hair and makeup since the night he was shot. She wasn't sure she had the energy to complete the task, so she let herself go into autopilot. She made sure to leave her mind blank as well; she couldn't think about what she was getting ready for.

For a moment, she had considered wearing white. The irony was not lost on her that she had dreamed of a situation so similar and yet so different from the one she was facing today. She'd enter in that door to a crowded church, he'd be standing, waiting for her at the end of the aisle. Only, in her dreams he was in a tux, smiling with tears in his eyes, not laid out in a casket. She quickly threw out the thought of wearing white. She was mourning and she didn't want any more reminders of the things she had lost.

* * *

By 10:30 she was ready to go, at least physically, if not emotionally. Slowly she made her way down the stairs, dreading every step she took. Her family, along with Zack, were waiting in the living room. The awkwardness between the four of them was tangible, but they all jumped to their feet when they heard Aria come down the stairs. "You look beautiful," Byron told her as soon as she came into view. He took her hand as she walked down the last few stairs, as if he was afraid she wouldn't be able to hold herself up. She wasn't sure she could.

Everyone looked at the floor, not knowing what to say. Mike finally spoke up, "So, I guess we should go." Without response they all slowly moved out the door, Byron driving Aria and Mike in his car and Ella riding with Zack. The drive to the church was filled with silence, all of them contemplating how they had been to too many funerals in the last three years.

Byron took Aria's hand again as they made their way to the church and this time she held onto it dearly, using him for strength. When they reached the big double doors she let go. "I'm gonna wait out here a few minutes. Collect myself," she said.

"Well, we can wait with you." Aria smiled at her brother. He was so sweet and always wanted to help.

"No. I need a few minutes to myself."

Byron put a hand on Mike's shoulder and steered him towards the steps. "You come when you're ready," he said. "We'll be waiting inside." Aria nodded and her family disappeared into the building.

Aria watched as a stream of people entered in and out of the small church. It really wasn't built for more than a hundred people on a Sunday morning and it was having a hard time containing the crowd that was gathered today. There were many more cars than she'd expected and the longer she stood there the clearer it became why. There were people there who she knew for a fact didn't know or care about Ezra. All they knew was that he had died in a horribly tragic way and that he had possibly had an affair with his student, with her. She suddenly hated Rosewood and its stupid citizen's with a penchant for scandal. The stupid Connor kid who had called her a slut got out of his car and she decided she should go inside before she lost control and punched him.

Inside, the building was full and she knew more of the attendees than she had expected too. Before she could even close the door Mrs. Welch enveloped her in a hug. Aria was surprised, but thankful for her show of support. Before she let go the older woman whispered in Aria's ear: "I am _so _sorry for your loss." She wiped a tear as she pulled back and Aria said, "thank you, and thank you so much for coming. You were a good friend to Ezra." She was surprised to find that she was the one comforting Mrs. Welch and surprised at how openly she seemed to be acknowledging Aria's relationship with Ezra. She had expected everyone to treat her like any other student, not apologize for her loss. She stepped away from Mrs. Welch and walked to the "sign in" book. Was she supposed to sign? Wasn't it obvious that she would be here? It didn't matter because she saw that Ella had listed her with the other members of the family when she had signed the book. Aria took a little card commemorating his life from a stack and pushed her way out of the entry and into the main part of the church.

Immediately she was swarmed by her friends. "We've been waiting for you. We wanted to come outside and be with you but you're dad said you needed a minute alone, so…"Spencer started before Hanna cut her off.

"How are you doing? You've been incommunicado."

"We've been so worried. We tried to come visit but Mike said you were sleeping and the second time your mom said you weren't taking any visitors," Emily added.

"I'm…" Aria didn't know what to say. She couldn't say she was good. She couldn't say she was okay. She couldn't say she was fine. She didn't think she would ever be any of those things again. "…still standing," she finally decided on. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you guys. I haven't talked to anyone. I've hardly gotten out of bed."

"We're gonna come over this week and bring you you're favorite food and watch a movie. Get your mind off things," Hanna promised her.

"I'll bring your homework, you know, in case you feel like doing any of it." Of course it would be Spencer to be concerned about her falling behind in school.

"Thanks guys," Aria responded, not exactly excited about their plan, but not really opposed to it either. "Is Ali here?" She had expected her to be with the other girls.

"She said she'd come for the funeral. She wants to sneak in and sit in the back so she doesn't distract people," Emily told her. That was good. The return of Alison DiLaurentis was big news in Rosewood and if people saw her there they would definitely be talking about it.

Just then Aria felt a tap on her shoulder and a man's voice she didn't really recognize say her name.

"Hardy!" She exclaimed, as she turned around and fell into his hug. They embraced for a long time and Aria felt tears welling up in her eyes, so she pulled away and cleared her throat.

"Um, guys, this is Hardy. He is… was…. Ezra's best friend."

"_Is_ his best friend," he corrected Aria. He shook each of the girl's hands and they introduced themselves.

"These are my best friends," Aria informed him and then an awkward silence fell on them, not knowing what to say to each other.

Hardy clearly had something to say, but it took him a few moments to work up the courage. "Um… I hate to ask this, but, what happened? I tried to get the story from Diane, but I only got the reader's digest version." He looked down, embarrassed to be asking Aria to relive such a horrible thing, just so he could satisfy his need to know.

"Oh." Aria took a deep brush and ran her fingers through her hair. "Um, we were being chased on a rooftop in New York City," she indicated that the other girls had been there too. She cleared her throat and continued. "The person had us trapped and he pulled a gun," her voice was beginning to strain.

"Mr. Fitz saved us. He fought off the guy, but the guy jumped to another building and got away." Hanna filled in when it seemed Aria's couldn't force the words out.

Aria got control of her and continued. "We didn't even know he had been hit. I walked over to him and he looked at the city and he said "It's so beautiful" and the next thing I knew he was on the ground and there was blood all over his shirt and…" Just then a beautiful blonde haired girl ran towards Hardy, yelling his name.

He looked over at her and gave her a hug. "Kim! I didn't think you could make it."

"Neither did I." You could tell in her voice that she had been crying. "But I realized that I _had_ to come, no matter what, so I made it happen."

The girls took this as their time to leave. "We'll be sitting over there," Emily whispered to Aria as she, Hanna, and Spencer slipped away.

"Aria, this is Kim. Kim, this is Aria." Hardy introduced the two women. "Kim, Ezra, Jackie, me, and Nate were inseparable during college," he told her.

"Oh. It's nice to meet you." Aria reached out and shook the woman's hand. Kim clearly had no idea who she was. There was no look of recognition on her face when she heard Aria's name.

"Aria was Ezra's girlfriend." Surprise took over Kim's face. She clearly hadn't expected that when she had seen the group of teenagers talking to Hardy. "Well, more than girlfriend, but…" Hardy added. And Aria a smile that thanked him for acknowledging how real their relationship was.

"I am so sorry," the woman said and pulled Aria in for a hug. Aria remained stiff as Kim squeezed her and said "I can't imagine how horrible this is for you."

Hardy patted Kim on the shoulder. "It's almost time to start the service. Aria, will you be going to Diane's after the service for the repass?"

"Yeah. I'll see you there."

"Okay. Maybe you can finish telling me the story from earlier then?" Aria nodded and with that Hardy lead Kim to a pew where Jackie and a man who she assumed was Nate were already sitting. Aria made her way to the pew her parents had picked out.

"How are you holding up?" Ella asked as she sat down.

"Um, as well as can be expected I guess," Aria said truthfully.

"Who was that man you were talking to?" Zack asked.

"Hardy. He was Ezra's best friend from college. I met him once when we first started dating." She felt Byron stiffen at her side when she referenced the beginning of their relationship. She'd forgotten that their time as a student and teacher_ and_ boyfriend and girlfriend was still not something they talked about at home. In fact, Byron had originally planned to not go to the funeral. Aria had heard he and Ella fighting about it one night. "You need to put aside your own feelings for Ezra Fitz and focus on being there for your daughter when she needs you most," Ella told him sternly. After that, she had never heard him say he wasn't going again. As she was speaking, Mike pointed behind her and she turned to see what it was.

"Hey." Wesley said as he knelt down by their pew.

"Hey. How are you?" Aria leaned over the arm rest at the end of the pew to give him a hug.

"You know. Probably about the same as you are." Aria nodded.

"So, I saved a seat for you up front." Aria looked where he was pointing and saw that it was literally the front row, the same place Diane and the man she could only assume was Ezra's father were sitting.

"Oh, no," she said, suddenly nervous. "I can't do that. That's for family. Besides, there's no better way to make sure EVERYONE knows we were together than to sit in the front row." Aria looked back at her family, hoping they would back her up.

Wesley was insistent though. He looked her straight in the eye and said "You _were_ his family." The sincerity in his eyes made it impossible for her to say no.

He stood up and offered her a hand which she reluctantly accepted. She walked down the aisle, trying not to look at the body of her love in his coffin and trying to pretend the stares of everyone in the building weren't on her as she joined Ezra's family.

"Who is this?" The man that had to be Ezra's father said as she sat down next to Wesley.

"Aria, dad," Wesley replied, clearly annoyed by his father's very presence.

"This is for family, Wesley." The man started to raise his voice while still trying to keep it where the others in the crowd couldn't hear.

"For family, huh? Who do you consider family? The one who held his hand while he died in the hospital? Or the one he hasn't talked to in two years?" Wesley shot it right back at Mr. Fitzgerald.

He looked like he was about to say something when Diane interrupted. Quietly and calmly she said, "Let the girl stay."

**Author's Note: So it's been forever since I updated. I don't want to give excuses, but I will offer my explanation: The end of the school year got busy, I had my wisdom teeth removed, and then I had visitors from out of town staying with me. After that, I just couldn't get myself in the writing mood. Today, however, I realized that the season 5 premiere is fast approaching and my goal was always to finish this during the hiatus. I thought about just giving up on the story, but I didn't want to have another unfinished story on my record, so I'm gonna try and finish it up before June 10****th****. **

**You probably didn't care about any of that, but, I figured I'd put it out there in case anyone did. As always, thank you for reading and if you have any feedback, good or bad, I'd love to hear it :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars nor the characters found there in.**

Aria was used to funerals at this point. Once you've been to a few, they become a bit monotonous. That's not to say they become boring, as you are grieving each time, it's just that they become incredibly predictable. Ezra Fitz's funeral started just as they all do.

"_Ezra James Fitzgerald, 26, died March 18, 2012 at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Mr. Fitzgerald was born September 23, 1986 in Coatsville, Pennsylvania to Patrick J. and Diane S. (Springer) Fitzgerald. He graduated from Coatsville High School in 2005, where he was an active member of the Book Club, Student Government, and Lacrose team. In 2009 he graduated from Hollis College with a bachelor's degree in English Literature and a minor in Education. He taught 11__th__ grade AP English and 12__th__ grade 21__st__ Century Literature at Rosewood High, did a brief stint teaching at Hollis College, and then returned to Rosewood High. He was a beloved educator and chaperone for several extracurricular activities. Ezra Fitz also had a selection of published short stories and poems before his death. He is survived by his father and mother, Patrick and Diane; brother, Wesley; and girlfriend, Aria Montgomery." _

Aria remained stoic through the reading of the obituary. She had, after all, helped write it while she was helping to arrange the funeral. She had been touched when Wesley suggested they include her in the "survived by" part, although now she almost wished they hadn't. There had been a few quiet gasps in the audience when her name had been read. Apparently not everyone had been filled in on the town gossip.

Aria couldn't take her eyes off the preacher as he started the ceremony. She kept watching his facial expressions, trying to tell if he felt any genuine sorrow for the man he was commemorating. It seemed wrong that he should be the one to share Ezra's life story when he had never even met him, but there was nothing she could do about it. He had seemed nice enough during the funeral preparation, it just seemed to her that Ezra deserved something better. The man broke Aria out of her reverie with a short prayer before beginning his real speech.

"Today we are gathered to remember the incredibly short, but incredibly impactful life of Ezra James Fitz. To some of you he was a son, a brother, a boyfriend, to some a friend, a classmate, a teacher, and to five of you, on the night he died, he was a hero. Yes, if you somehow missed that information, Ezra died after saving five young women from a masked assailant, giving his life for theirs'. And as important as that sacrifice was, I am not the one to tell you about it. We have beautiful young women who will be taking the podium after I finish to share more of that story, but for now we do not want to focus on the death, but on the life that he lived."

"Ezra, as you all know, was kind and caring, but with a bit of an adventurous side. His mother, Diane, told me of a story from when he was just a child. He couldn't have been more than 4, she said, when she found him on top of his treehouse. 'What are you doing? Get down from there!' she yelled as she ran to him, but before she could reach him, he took a vine hanging from one of the tree limbs and tried to swing on the vine to his mother. Of course, being a four year old, he couldn't really judge the sturdiness of the vine, so he came plummeting towards the ground and, again, being a four year old, started crying. Diane ran to him, 'Where does it hurt? Are you okay?" Well, Ezra looked up at her with big tears in his eyes and sniffled his little nose and said 'Why can Tarzan swing but I can't?" He didn't even care that he had fallen from 12 feet in the air, he just wanted to know why Tarzan could do things he couldn't." The crowd let out a little chuckle at the story and Aria looked down at Diane. She was wiping tears from her eyes, but with a faint smile on her lips as she looked back through her memory.

"Now, when Ezra got a little older, he began to have a penchant for troublemaking, as most boys do once they reach their teen years. Wesley told me about a time after his parents had divorced and their mother was out of town when Ezra was left in charge of the house and of his brother. The one thing they had to do before Diane got home was clean the kitchen floor, but of course, being a teenage boy, Ezra didn't want to mop it. So, he came up with the idea to spray the floor using the pull out faucet on the sink, squirt some soap on it, and then strap sponges to their feet and skid around on the floor. Now, I've heard of that in movies, but I've never heard of it in real life. But Ezra and Wesley successfully accomplished their skating/cleaning… at first. After the first few minutes Wesley hit the ground, busting his lip wide open. But, of course, no one wants to take their kid brother to the hospital for stitches, mom would find out about that for sure, so Ezra fixed it as best he could with Band-Aids, which tend to not stick so well to the mouth. And that's why Wesley still has a scar."

Again, there were a few giggles in the crowd. Aria couldn't bring herself to smile though. There was so much of his life that she didn't get to witness. Just two short years were all they had together. Two years out of twenty-six. She was supposed to have him for the rest of his life. Tears started to stream steadily, but quietly down her cheeks; the first time she cried since the hospital. She had been numb and unfeeling, she had forced herself to hold it in, and at points she had somehow been too upset to cry, but now, thinking about the life together they'd lost, she just had to let some of the pain out, and that pain took the form of tears.

"Of course, as we grow, different people enter our lives and our stories stop focusing on our family, but on our friends, and if we are lucky, that one special person we want to spend forever with. Well, they didn't get to see a forever, but Ezra did find a special girl to spend his time with before his passing, and she had some stories of her own. There was the time Aria started her first photography job and had the jitters. He put on a full on goofy photo shoot in his sweatpants and silly faces so she could practice taking pictures. Then there was the time she came to his apartment and found him cursing at a boiling pot of burnt sauce on the stove and when she asked why she found out he had been practicing cooking in his spare time so he could surprise her with a home cooked meal for their next date."

Aria's cry became more aggressive now. How was she going to survive in this world without him? Those stupid stories she had shared with the preacher just reminded her that not only did she _need _him and _need _the strength he gave her, but he also added color and happiness to her life. So what if he hadn't tried to learn to cook for her? She would be no worse off. But he did, and it meant the world to her. Those things would never happen again. He would never write her another B-26 poem. He would never try to befriend her father again. And suddenly she wished that she had taken them up the offer to give her own speech during the ceremony. Of course, she knew she couldn't. She would never be able to make it through without completely losing it and she would be rambling on and on about memories that meant nothing to anyone but her.

"I'm sure all of you could add more stories to my sermon, as Ezra touched us all in different and precious ways, so please, take time to reflect on your own memories of him while Marie Sheffield sings for us. Afterwards, Spencer Hastings will give a brief talk about Ezra's last days." The preacher took a seat and a woman stepped towards the mike. When Aria had declined the chance to speak she had suggested Spencer as a fill-in. Someone needed to thank him, publicly, for the sacrifice he had made for her friends and for her and who better to do that than the queen of speeches. Spencer called the day before and offered to read Aria what she had come up with, but Aria really hadn't been in the mood for it at the time. Now she wished she had let Spencer read it. Currently Aria had no idea to expect. All she knew was that it would make her cry.

Finally, the woman ended her song and stepped down from the pulpit and Spencer took her place. She looked out over the crowd until her eyes locked with Aria's. She didn't have to say anything, didn't have to do anything, but somehow the message was communicated by eye contact alone. "This is for you as much as for him," her eyes said. Then, Spencer straightened her dress and cleared her throat. "Most of you probably don't know who I am. My name is Spencer Hastings and I was a student in Ezra Fitz's English class. Normally, I would have no reason to be up here speaking to you. I would be sitting in the crowd, a slightly used tissue in my hand thinking about what a good teacher he was and how I hope the replacement makes class as fun as he did. But that's not what I'm thinking about. All I can think when I hear the name Ezra Fitz is: 'I owe him my life.' You see, I was one of the people that was on that rooftop in New York, staring down the barrel of a gun, desperately holding on to my friend Aria's arm, and feeling my heart beat out of my chest. I was on that rooftop in New York, when, out of nowhere Ezra burst through the stairwell door and tackled the man threatening me and my best friend's lives."

Spencer's eyes glistened and you could tell she was beginning to go off script. "Earlier, Mr. Peterson called Ezra a hero, and I agree. That is the number one word I would use to describe him, but not just because he took a fatal bullet for us, because honestly, he was a hero long before that. He was a hero when he helped me with my college essay. He was a hero when he tutored my friend Emily. He was a hero when he stepped up to the plate and helped raise a little boy named Malcolm. He was a hero when Aria told him her deepest darkest secrets and he loved her just the same. He was a hero when he tried to fix Wesley's busted lip. And truth be told, those are the best kinds of heroes. Everyone wants to have a meaningful heroic death, but Ezra Fitz lived a heroic life, and I think that's something we should all try to do. So that's what I want to thank Ezra for. Thank you, not just for saving me and my friends, but saving everyone here, a little bit every day, just by being you."

Aria was too caught up in her own emotions to survey the crowd at the end of Spencer's speech, but she was sure that if she had, she wouldn't have seen a dry eye in the audience. There certainly weren't any on her row. Spencer shuffled her papers and walked down the two steps from the pulpit to the floor, but before she took her seat she leaned over Aria and wrapped her in a hug. A sob ripped through Aria's body and the weeping was audible to everyone in the otherwise silent room. "Love you," Spencer whispered into Aria's ear before she let go and returned to her seat.

The preacher returned to the front of the building and offered yet another prayer before offering an invitation to come to Dianne's house for food and company after the final viewing. Then, one by one, each person walked down their front row and offered hugs and condolences before looking in the casket one last time. Many people skipped Aria, and she didn't blame them. She didn't recognize most of them, anyway. But many people gave her truly comforting and caring hugs. She had never been hugged so many times and by so many people she didn't know in her life. Then her family came through, promising to wait for her in the car, and her friends asking if there was anything at all she needed. "Are you guys coming to the repass?" She whispered to them as they walked down the row. "If you want us to, we'll be there," Emily said as she pulled back from hugging Mrs. Fitzgerald. Hanna and Spencer nodded emphatically. "Thank you," Aria mouthed back.

Then came a surprising face. "Holden!" Aria scream-whispered into his neck as he gave her a warm hug.

"I saw it on the news and I figured your friends and family would be here, but I thought 'hey, another friendly face couldn't hurt, so…. here I am."

Aria was touched. "Thank you so much."

Once the room emptied, Aria stood alone with Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald, Wesley, and two women she assumed to be Ezra's grandmothers. She didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to leave? Should she wait and walk out with the casket? Should she be offering her condolences to his family? She didn't know, so she just stayed close to Wesley. "Take a moment to say your final goodbyes. When you're done, we will close and secure the casket and we'll all move to the burial site," a man from the funeral home told them. Wesley pushed her towards the casket, urging her to go first.

She had avoided seeing him before the ceremony, but Aria couldn't avoid it any longer. This was her last time getting to look at Ezra in the flesh and she didn't want to miss the opportunity completely. She let out a deep breath and walked towards the coffin. The funeral homes always try to make the deceased look natural, but it rarely works. She could see the make up on his face and he looked so… empty. To others he probably looked fine, but she knew each tiny intricate detail of his beautiful face, and right now, he didn't look peaceful and he didn't look like he was asleep. If he was asleep he would have a small smile, like a laugh was about to escape his lips, but the funeral home people didn't know that and probably couldn't replicate it if they did, so instead his face just seemed… empty. Empty of happiness. Empty of life. Empty of… him. So Aria reached into the coffin and touched his hand one more time, then turned away and refused to look back.

Once the others had said their goodbyes the funeral home people came over and sealed the casket. The pall-bearers came back into the building and joined Wesley and Mr. Fitzgerald in carrying the casket out to the hearse, while Aria followed along with Diane and the grandmothers.

**This was kind of a tricky chapter to do. I had to do some research to figure out when Ezra would have graduated, what city he would have been from, and all that jazz. Plus I had to make sure that my eulogy and obituary were realistic. So, moral of the story is, if you think something is wrong or unrealistic, please let me know. And as always, you're thoughts and opinions are always welcome. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: PLL is not mine in any way, shape, or form.**

The day of the funeral took a lot out of Aria, emotionally and physically. She slept on the drive home from Diane's which normally would have worried her parents, but she had slept so much lately they didn't think anything of it.

"I'm gonna go to Riley's and hang out," Mike announced as they pulled in the driveway.

Ella turned to face the backseat. "I'd really prefer if you stayed around here tonight," she told him.

"You're mother's right," Byron agreed. "Today was a rough day for your sister and for this family and I think we should be together." Mike didn't put up the fight that he usually would have, so he must have agreed to some extent.

"So, I was thinking I could make smoked salmon alfredo for dinner? You love that, Aria, and I haven't made it in forever." Ella was trying so hard to make things okay again, but they just weren't.

"How bout we just do pizza? No need to make a big fuss. I'm not really hungry." Aria stared blankly out the window.

* * *

Thirty minutes later the pizza arrived and the family settled in at the table. Byron didn't know what to say, didn't know what appropriate topics of conversation were on days like this. Ella and Mike, on the other hand didn't stop talking. They were clearly trying to overcompensate and pretend nothing was wrong.

"We're playing Upper Merion this week and they've got probably the best lacrosse player in Pennsylvania on their team, but I think we're a better team overall, so we've definitely got a shot at winning," Mike said as he stuffed large bites of Pizza in his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Byron scolded under his breath.

"The game's at Rosewood? Maybe we could all go and cheer you on. That would be fun and it sounds like it's a big game." Ella ignored Byron's comment.

"That'd be cool. Just don't embarrass me with, like, 'Go Mike!' t-shirts or anything."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Ella said sarcastically. "Like we are _so_ embarrassing. Oh! You will never believe what Frank Meyers was talking about in the teacher's lounge yesterday. He is trying to buy his four year old daughter her _second_ pony, that she doesn't even ride. She just likes to pet them and braid their hair, but no one in the family rides." Ella got distracted from her story when she looked over at her daughter. "Aria, honey, what are you thinking about? You haven't said a word all dinner." Of course, she could guess what was on her daughter's mind, but she was hoping to get her to open up a little.

"Nothing. I just… don't really have anything to say." And it was true. For once, she wasn't replaying memories of Ezra or thinking about the things she needed to take care of. She was genuinely listening and paying attention to her family, she just didn't have anything to add. She couldn't think of anything to say that felt important enough to be voiced. "Can I be dismissed? I need to shower before bed and I want to have time for my hair to dry."

Ella nodded. Aria had only eaten half a slice of pizza.

* * *

*Bring**Bring* Aria dashed across the room to pick up her cell phone. She had taken her sweet time in the shower, but it was getting late, so she was forcing herself to towel off when she heard her phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Aria Montgomery?" The voice on the other end of the line was completely unfamiliar and sounded cold.

She had learned to be more cautious since all the stuff with A started so she didn't answer right away. "Umm… who is this?"

"This is Charles Peterman of the Steinburg Law Firm. I'm calling in regards to the will of a Mr. Ezra Fitz." Aria was surprised. Of all the things she had put on her to-do list since Ezra had been murdered, this one had never even crossed her mind. Why did Ezra even have a will? Don't most people make those when they have kids and get old and stuff? And don't most people _not_ include their teenage girlfriend in said wills?

"Okay. Well, this is Aria, but I don't know why you're calling me about Ezra's will."

"Mr. Fitz listed you in his will and I think it would be best if we met about this sooner rather than later, as Mrs. Diane Fitzgerald is coming in to discuss the will Friday at noon."

"Um… I'm still a little confused about all this, but sure. When should I be in?"

"Would Thursday at 10:15 work?"

Aria paused a moment to make it seem like she was checking to see if she was available, "Yeah. That's fine. Um, why do I have to be in before Mrs. Fitzgerald?"

"She will probably take issue with several portions of the will and it would be best if we could get all aspects involving you ironed out before we bring her in. I'm sorry I can't give you any more information over the phone."

"Um, that's fine. I guess I'll see you Thursday."

"I will see you then."

"Thank you," Aria said as the phone clicked off. She sat down on her bed, still in her towel and wet hair.

* * *

"So you have to, like, take care of his stuff?" Hanna asked, her mouth full of the Chinese takeout the girls had brought to Aria's house.

Aria pushed the food around her plate with her fork, but didn't take a bite. "No. I'm sure he just left me, I don't know, like, his books or something?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. the whole things just really weird. Like, what person in their 20s even has a will? Is that kinda weird by itself?"

"I've drafted several copies of a will, I just haven't legalized anything yet," Spencer said nonchalantly. Then she changed the subject. "So… any idea when you're coming back to school? I know, you're probably not ready yet, but I miss you. And I'm worried about you. Sitting in a dark room by yourself all the time isn't good. Trust me, I've been there, I know it's tempting, but you can't let yourself just stop living."

"Yeah, I don't know when that's gonna happen. I mean, I have to take care of this will stuff and, I don't know, I just… can't right now. I mean, I definitely can't go to his classroom and…" Aria trailed off. She didn't really need to say anything else. They had all known what she would say before she even started.

"Mrs. Stewart switched rooms with his class. We meet in her old room now. The school figured it would be better for the students if they didn't have to be in that same classroom." Emily reached over and patted Aria's knee comfortingly.

"They have some counselors in the office too. Like, real ones, that can help kids deal with what happened. I've seen a couple people go in there and talk to them," Hanna told her.

Aria didn't want to talk about this any longer. She needed a break from thoughts of Ezra, so she directed the conversation towards the other big change in their lives. "So, what are you doing Ali?"

Alison had been fairly quite so far. It was strange, the leader returned but maybe she wasn't the leader anymore. In fact, Alison didn't know exactly where she fit in with the group, if she fit in at all. "I've been staying in Ezra's cabin and staying out of sight of… pretty much everyone."

"How long are you gonna be around?"

"I haven't really decided," Ali said honestly. "I can't decide if I should run again or if I should come out and see my parents and stuff."

"Well, I'm voting for the latter," Emily said. "I don't want you leaving again.

Ali smiled a sad smile. "We'll see."

**Author's note: So, this chapter is kinda short and kinda "filler," but it was necessary. I didn't want the story to jump from major event to major event each chapter. That's not realistic. You have to have some chapters focusing more on everyday life. So, the next one should be a little bit more exciting. Or, as exciting as dealing with wills and stuff can be. **

** I also just wanted to say THANK YOU to everybody who reviewed, especially those who reviewed after my last chapter. I woke up this morning to nine new reviews in seven hours, which is a LOT more than I usually get. So thank you! And, if you feel like reviewing again this time, I certainly wouldn't mind it. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Pretty Little Liars is most definitely not mine.**

"Mom!" Aria stood in front of her closet, which was now half empty, as most of its contents were spread over the bed and on the floor. She immediately heard the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. Ella was thrilled to have Aria calling for her. She had been trying to think of ways to help Aria for days, but didn't know what she could do, so now she was jumping at the chance.

"Yes?" Ella said as she pushed open the door.

"What do you wear to see an attorney?" Aria was holding two dresses in front of her, a black one with big orange flowers on it and a dark blue lace one.

"I like the black," Ella sat down on the bed. "But, hold on, why are you seeing an attorney?"

Aria was busy studying herself in the mirror, holding the black dress held against her, so she was distracted when she answered. "Um, some attorney from Steinburg Law called a couple days ago. They say they wanna talk to me about Ezra's will."

"Wait. Ezra's will? I thought all of his stuff was going to his mother."

"I guess he had a will made up and wanted me to have some stuff. Are you sure this dress is good? I don't wanna look like a kid. Would my black skirt and green ruffle blouse be better?" Aria was still preoccupied with the mirror.

"Aria, forget about the clothes for a minute." Aria finally turned to listen to what her mother was saying. "I don't think you should go by yourself. Honestly, this sounds kind of sketchy to me. And you shouldn't be making any major decisions by yourself. It's just too risky."

Aria sat down next to her mother. "I wanna do this by myself, Mom. Atleast for now. If I need help I can tell them I wanna think about it and I'll get back to them."

It was against her better judgment, but Ella agreed. "How about this? I will drive you there and park around the corner. If you need anything you can call me for advice or you can even call me to come in and I'll be right there."

As much as Aria wanted to be mature and do this on her own, she had to admit she was nervous, so she reluctantly agreed. "Okay. So the green blouse is a yes or a no?"

"I still like the black dress. But maybe add some black pantyhose and your black heels instead of the orange ones you usually wear with it."

"So you don't have any idea what he left you?" Ella asked as they pulled into the Steinburg parking lot.

"That's what I've been trying to figure out. All I can think of is maybe his books and movies and stuff? I mean, Diane probably doesn't have the same taste as us, so maybe he wanted it to go to someone who would appreciate it? Or maybe it's, like, stuff from when we were together that he didn't want anyone else to get a hold of." She left out her theory that it would be his notes and manuscripts for his book about Alison. She still hadn't told her family about that bombshell and now that he was gone she didn't really see the point in it.

Aria tapped her fingers against her faux leather purse. "You'll be out here right?" She was suddenly very nervous.

"I'll be right here. And if you need me, I can be in there in a second." Ella put a comforting hand on Aria's shoulder.

"Okay, well, I guess… I better just… go in." Aria put her hand on the door handle, but didn't actually open it.

"You'll be fine," Ella reassured her. "Love you."

Aria opened the door and began the walk to the law building. Why was she feeling self-conscious? She didn't know, but she did know that this felt like the longest walk of her life. Finally she reached the doors and was greeted by a pretty blonde secretary. "I'm here to see Charles Peterman? I have an appointment at 10:15."

"Name please."

"Aria Montgomery."

The secretary never even glanced up from her computer. "Please have a seat and Mr. Peterman will be with you in a few moments."Aria sat down in an uncomfortable chair across the room and flipped through a three month old copy of People Magazine without actually looking at it.

After what felt like hours but was more like five minutes, a man who was younger, but no less bald, than Aria had expected stood in front of her. "Aria Montgomery? I'm Charles Peterman. Nice to meet you." Aria shook his hand and followed him back to his office. "So, how are you?" He asked once in the room.

"Um, I've been better."

"Of course, I'm so sorry about your loss," the man quickly apologized. "Now, I'm sure you are wondering why you are here, so let's just jump to the chase. Did Mr. Fitz tell you anything about his will?" Aria shook her head. "Well, a few weeks ago he came in here to prepare his will, saying he was going to be traveling and that what he would be doing would be dangerous, although he wouldn't tell me what it was, so he wanted to prepare in case things didn't go well. He gave me a list of things left to you, but also a letter that I was instructed to give to you. I'll let you read through that first, and then we will discuss specifics._  
_

_ My dearest Aria,_

_ If you are reading this, then just as I feared my search for Alison and for "A" turned deadly. I have no regrets. Only lying to you about the book, but dying? It was for you, so I don't regret it. Just please know that I love you and always have._

_ Now, about my belongings. I don't want my mom getting my things. I put a distance between my family and myself for a reason. I chose you to be my family, and even if you no longer feel the same, you are still the one who should get my things. The apartment is yours. I usually keep it paid off for three months ahead of time, so have some time to decide what you want to do with it. Everything inside is yours as well. If you want to sell it all, that's up to you. If you want to destroy it, that's your prerogative. If you want to keep some of it, well, I'd like that. _

_ I don't want to get too personal in this letter, but as it may be my last chance to speak to you, there are a couple things I want to say. You possess the only copies of my Alison story inexistence. You do not have to worry about anyone else releasing t. And I just want to say that you are going to live an extraordinary life. Don't let a teenage queen B, an anonymous bully, or a jerk ex-boyfriend keep you back._

_ Love always,_

_ Ezra_

Reading Ezra's last words was surreal for Aria. Aria was speechless and wanted to cry, but she made herself focus on the reason she was here. after finishing the letter. _The apartment is yours… everything inside is yours as well_. Everything was going to her? "When he says 'everything inside' does he mean… everything?" The man sitting across from her nodded solemnly, apparently oblivious to the internal freakout she was experiencing. "I just… I'm sorry. I just need to be totally clear. Every single thing he owned is now in my possession?" She spoke the words slowly, letting them sink in. What was Ezra thinking? She couldn't keep track of all the stuff in her room, what was she going to do with all of his things?

Somewhere deep in her brain, past the freaking out part, she was kind of relieved. He had really loved her. She remembered the comfort she felt when she had spent the night in his apartment a few days before the funeral. As completely irrational as it sounded, she wished she could keep the apartment the exact way as it had been when he was alive. She would just keep never change anything as long as she lived and just use it to pretend he was still here.

"Well, not _every_ single thing. That's why I wanted to meet with you today, before Mrs. Fitzgerald comes in. I handle her legal matters as well and from the time I've spent with her, I'm assuming she won't be thrilled with the way things are being divided up," Peterman said as he scanned through the papers in Ezra's file.

"So, what specifically is she getting? If that's not confidential."  
"Well, she is getting his photo albums and the dresser that belonged to his great-grandmother, Wesley Fitzgerald is getting his car and his lacrosse gear, and he specifically instructed that his father is not to get anything," he read down the list.

Aria took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, how do we do this? Do I have to sign something?"

"Yes. Although, if you are amenable to it, I think it would be nice if you came in during the meeting with the Fitzgeralds. I did want to share this information with you beforehand, but the best way to handle all this would be if you could all be here together." Aria didn't particularly wanted to come back, but she did feel out of her league and was wishing she had let her mother come in with her, so she agreed to return the next day.

"Before I go though, is there an actual list of the things that are going to me? And if so is there a way I could get a copy of that list?" She was sure her parents would want to see a list, and it couldn't hurt to be more prepared for the meeting tomorrow.

"There is a list but it isn't entirely comprehensive. I'll run off a copy for you."  
"Thank you," she said and put her purse on her shoulder.

**Author's Note: Sorry this one took longer than expected. I actually wanted to make this chapter longer, but I'm struggling with writer's block, so I figured I'd break this one into two parts and go ahead and post what I have done. Anyway… PLL on Tuesday! Whose excited!? I'd love reviews and if you wanna tell me what your most excited for in the premiere that would be cool. Thanks guys!**


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